I, Pomegranate

 This weekend was filled with sense-tantalizing events. Melanie (my sister), Vance (my brother-in-law), and I–who are to be herein know as “the crew”–did some fun things. On Saturday we went searching all around the county it seemed for viable pomegranate trees. We collected many poms from each tree, some of which belonged to people, but we never entered yards to thieve them. If they were hanging over a fence or in the street, they were deemed public domain poms.

I must say that the pomegranate raids with the crew were quite a thrill. It was exciting on many levels. First the thrill of scouting out new hot spots, and then the thrill of securing booty followed by a hasty escape. There was a drawback though. These trees are very scratchy, and I was quite scathed by the adventure. It was worth it…Take a look at that bowl of poms to the left. That bowl is on our coffee table, and that’s just about half of our loot. They’re sooooo good, and free!

NOT how to make them

Later that day, we carved pumpkins as the traditional fall tale would tell. Oh what a collection of pumpkin seeds we had. Luckily my sister and I agree on how to cook most things–except for anything to do with chocolate–and we, within and hour had tasty, tasty seeds covered with greasy oil and salt. mmmmmm

The senses were stimulated more by the hookers. Ok, maybe not, but my sister did have a frisbee party later and there were certain people running around naked for some reason. Unfortunately for them they had just gotten out of the pool and they all feel on the slippery floor. Amusing, but kind of like that Seinfeld episode when the nudist tries to open the jar.

On Sunday, I rode a bike and it was enjoyable for the first time in years. Vance fixed a bike for me to have and we all went pom scouting around Davis. Luckily I’m tall and can get some high ones. The problem isn’t so much finding trees as it is paying attention to the road. I almost slammed into a parked car within the first two minutes and nearly fell of multiple times. I’ll get the hang of it…it’s just like, um, riding a bike??

future fags….smokin’

You may have heard me talking about the future branding of cigarettes before. I mentioned that regulations were getting much tougher, and Big Tobacco is left with fewer creative devices. Now, many of you may not know that cigg companies know their time is limited. They’ve know it for years, and they are such huge conglomerates that right now they’re just enjoying it whilest they can…and hey, for them, it’s hundreds of billions of dollars worth fighting for. It is not, however, their 30-year business plan.

I recently mentioned the removal of the words “light” and “ultra light” from packaging. While I cannot confirm if this actually happened yet, I believe it will soon. Now, the UK is starting down the path cigg companies expected next…complete de-branding and standardization of cigarettes. Taking away all glamour smoking has and adding even more warnings to the package. The United States isn’t too far behind. Give it five years or so, and this will likely be the new cigarettepackage. I can only hope so…that is one nasty product that needs to disappear.

B(R)ANDING: Death by chocolate? Check again.

This edition of B(R)ANDING reflects a recent articleon CNN about the two leading chocolate companies in the United States, Hershey and Mars (I’m skipping the trademarks on this one because there literally will be one million). Hershey a given, you say, but Mars–WHAT THE?!? Yes, Mars, the company responsible for all those other candy bars no one really likes, plus M&Ms and now the entire Wrigley’s gum line…you know, Big Red, Juicy Fruit (still can’t deal with the fact it’s yellow now), and many more. (Tip: mix a piece of Juicy Fruit with a piece of Big Red and you’ll experience a whole notha level.)

Now, Hershey is still number one in the market, but Mars is growing fast. By now you’re wondering if this is really a branding section or if it’s an exploration into something I saw on PBS. Well, I assure you it’s about the brands. See, while Mars is beefing up operations and creating stellar facilities right down the street from it’s Pennsylvania rival, Hershey is downsizing jobs and cutting costs. Of course, with the current economic status, it is understandable that Hershey would be making cuts–even outsourcing–but are they relying too heavily on their name and reputation to carry them forward? I would argue they are. They’ve been the leader forever, and have always had America’s favorite chocolate, but taste alone can’t be your only selling point for in a digital world (at least for behemoth companies).

That brings me to my next point. While Hershey could probably rely on it’s image to carry it through to some extent, the chocolate is really what matters. Andy although you do need to market that chocolate, Mars is seizing is seizing an opportunity to elevate itself in the market by introducing premium-brand chocolates (like Dove) and others for which it can charge higher prices. The catch…it’s supposed to taste better than Hershey, and well, it might. Hershey keeps cutting corners…so much so that it’s actually taking the chocolate out of some of it’s chocolate. Whhhaaaaaaaaaa? YES! Messing with the chocolate? I know I have your attention know! In fact Hershey has been substituting some of the chocolate for cocoa butter. Mr. Goodbar happens to be my favorite, and I’m devastated to learn it’s not even real chocolate. Why a chocolate company would do that, I don’t know. The whole point of chocolate is to find the most authentic and delicious piece of chocolate that melts in your mouth and doesn’t taste weird. When you get into substitutes, it’s just not the same. That’s why Dove does taste better because it is all chocalte, and GOD is it good. What do you think about it?

Of, so how do you know if you’re treat is tainted? As mentioned in the smarticle, these substitutes can’t be called chocolate. They can, however, be called “chocolate candy,” or something similar, which can be pretty confusing. The old pufferation. I say, if there is anything other than “chocolate” or “pure chocolate,” you should “shelf it.” All of Mars products are said to be pure chocolate…in the states at least. Overseas rules differ, and most companies use fake junk.

a voting update

I guess I should mention that I have reconsidered my opinion of Obama. Granted I’m still bitter it’s not Hillary as VP, but after watching all the underhandedness of the McCain-Palin group, I just can’t allow them to win. If McCain had just kept his mouth shut and not been so negative, I might not be so determined to vote now, but I must…and for Obama.

California also has some interesting issues on the ballot regarding energy and gay marriage. The anti-gay marriage ads are absolutely ridiculous that it’s hilarious. “Prop 8 will force Gay Marriage to be taught in our schools.” Hahahaha what does that even mean?

Relatedly, I saw a minivan with a home-printed “Democrat for McCain Palin” sign taped to it. Now, forget the fact that such a thing is tacky, but below it on the bumper were the following stickers: Catholic radio; Vote YES on Prop 8 to Protect our families (from gay marriage); and Fighting to eliminate abortions. I may be new to California, but I’m pretty sure the democrats are MORE liberal than other states.

i’m joking

The proposed new gay dollar bill. Other suggestions include rounding the corners to make it more stylish and changing the shape entirely to less-dangerous geometry.

As I reviewed how lazy I am, I thought I’d pick up some of my extracurricular slack and move forward with some of my plans. I’ve started writing more poems for Christmas, for one. My next step is to work on a secret project that I keep forgetting to work on but I can’t talk about it on here until after I’m done. Finally, since we all know I like to be funny, I’ve thought about submitting jokes to SNL. Well, I actually looked into it, and it’s not very easy from what I can see. It’s hard to be freelance and it’s a pain to even get them to look at the jokes. I did stumble upon this Web site though, which is of a former freelance writer who has some funny mini-vids on his site. Anyway, here is my joke…what are your thoughts? It’s so-so I think.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said today that the government plans to buy stock in banks to help stabalize the financial system. Meanwhile, House Democrats are working on a second stimulus package to help local governments by making things gayer. While details are still in the works, the package is expected to draw out the endless spending power of the gay dollar. Although controversial, it could stimulate many businesses, especially gayer ones like Target, Crate and Barrel, and the State of California.