ha mercy, has it been a week already?

Highlights:

  • Je suis mal ou stresse’
  • Dwarf PhD dichotomy and the vagina dentata monologues
  • Bad dog, I hate you!
  • Netflix branding and trickery
  • Second Saturday info to go

Main Event:
So I’ve been a littler bit under the weather this week, which is peculiar because not a cloud in the sky. Oh but you saw that joke coming, didn’t you? You’re sharp as tack and nothing gets past you! But for real, I have come down with a cross of the methacyllin resistant Andromeda strain (don’t try  to read ahead…you though I was going to type staphylococcus aureus didn’t you? Lesson learned–I’m unpredictable. Well in verse I suppose; it’s the most adventure I get because I’m hella lazy (I’m inclined not to close the initial set of parenthesis because my story continues right along with this, but I will close this set, which is merely a notifier and acknowledgment of parenlackiethal behaviour) But, maybe that’s because I’ve been so sick to begin with (Let’s just ignore the potential growing number of grammar problems in the paragraph at this point or I will be forced to carry on two stories biverstaneously). So this weekend I either forgot to take my pills and/or I doubled a dose or something, which caused me to not be healthy. I have had a headache since then…a headache that won’t go away despite the amount (that’s how many) of Advil (R) and Exedrin (R) I’ve taken. I then had a fever and was so tired for a few days, and I ended up leaving work early one day and taking a half day the next. I done had gone to the doctor and her diagnosis was that I talk like a fag and my shit’s all retarded. hahaha not really, but close.

Actually she said it could be secret stress induced from moving that I don’t know about, which I find to be strange because I have the least stress in my life ever–especially compared to before. But, I did just move across the country, so maybe there is some logic behind it. That maid me paranoid and now I just cry in the corner in a puddle of both Laika’s and my urine. I will be monitoring myself to see if I am stressed. I think the only thing I’m stressed about is that I really don’t have any friends yet, but since I don’t do anything…that could be why. Other than that, things are going reallllly reallllly well. And I have this weird fear that my new prescription sunglasses will be too big, but hopefully they won’t.

Speaking of my new doctor, she is a dwarf. I find this interesting because we’re like the dichotomy sitcom patient-doctor duo. I happened to like her, and although I prefer a male doctor for at least the sheer possibility of physical empathy, I may keep her as my doctor. After all, most of the body is the same. I won’t even get into it, but you should google the movie Teeth. I watched it, and it’s about a girl with vagina dentata. She decides to go from innocent super almighty virgin to serial weener killer just because guys flirt with her. I suppose that is a reasonable reaction, but I ask….what would Jesus do?

Right now I’m mad at the dogs…all three of them. See we’re watching a dog this week. This dog, elle s’appelle Laika, is really cute, but she likes to play with our one dog Veda. Well, the oldest dog, Zoe, does not approve, and immediately growls and dominates immediately. This aggression results in puppy pee all over me at all times. So I locked them all outside. Too bad I only closed the screen because they are sitting ten feet away from me crying to come in and pee start the process over again. So well behaved outside. Let them in? Debauchery growler pees. As Shelley would say, it’s plain tomfoolery, and I have to agree.

I guess I’ll write a bit more since I remembered a few things. I have been watching Netflix (shame on them for not protecting their brand) movies because I thought I could sneak another free trial. “Sign up for the expensive plan,” my sister said, “so we get more movies during the free trial.” Well, they totally new it was me and 100% charged me. So for the next week or so, I will continue to rent and watch movies like a madman…hence the dentata dilettante.

Saturday is Second Saturday in Sacramento, and I’m excited about that. Last time we went it was pretty fun, so now that we know what it’s like, it should be more fun. And, I can use my iPhone to get information and communicate whilst there. I just uploaded my 401(k) stock information into there today.

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3 Responses to ha mercy, has it been a week already?

  1. Christina says:

    This is rather hilarious. ).

  2. Allison says:

    I have heard of this teeth movie…it sounds pretty scary! What is Sacramento Second Saturday?

  3. naomi says:

    good thing the dogs didn’t lose their bowels all over you!

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