california…it’s a whole new world (parto uno)

HOLY SHIT!

California is a whole new world, and that’s not just a metaphor for my new life (which is best depicted by the Arial (haha that’s a pun) photograph to the left). The entire state is just different. There are, of course, the obvious differnces, which would include the edible landscape and warmer temperatures, but there are also many other differences of which you may be completely unaware. (I wasn’t going to mention this, but wouldn’t it be great if I stuck an “of” at the end of that sentence to be redundant? I was watching Days of Our Lives–on vas retourn pour la douxieme partie de jours de nos vies dans quelque minutes–when an uppity british character committed said grammar faux pas. Speaking of which, Cecile, shouldn’t that be “ne faux pas?” Also, for those of you trying to follow my ideas within ideas, bear with me. I’m still trying to learn AP’s punctuation rule for parentheticals (all punctuated correctly–I think).)

my typical commute

One reason California is different is that car insurance is the third-most expensive in the nation. That may not be the shocker of the century, but do you know why? More cars yes, but the drivers of those cars are in fact largely retarded. They do not know how to drive at all. The day that Ohio has more agressive drivers on average than California means that California assphalt. The problem? No one moves over for passing or merging traffic and no one goes faster than the speed limit. Also, if someone steps on the brakes, it suddenly becomes a life-threatening emergeny that requires all possible stopping power. Kind of annoying, especially when it’s completely unnessecsary. It’s like there are rods between each car and you physically cannot get any closer or you will die, and that’s really how people drive. You really need a collision avoidance system to drive here, or you can know you’ll crash into a car or pedestrian and just have 360* airbag protection. It’s worse than that time I slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop for a dear that was no where near the road.

Another reason is that people ride their bikes everywhere, and take them with them everywhere, too. I’m all for bike lanes and sharing the road–I think it’s cool. They even have bike traffic lights. Cute. Of course, bikes and pedestrians have the right of way, so you have to stop for them if they are crossing the street (in a sidewalk, but like you won’t stop elsewhere). What’s annoying is that people will literally stop if someone is anywhere near the road–stopping traffic mind you–to let this person cross. Neither bikers nor pedestrians like this because it’s not what you’re supposed to do, and it’s stupid. It’s trying to force the person to cross before the appropriate time. Plus, you never know if the other side of the street is going to stop. I take it upon myself to murder all ambitious stoppers. It’s the Dexter Effect. Oh ok, back to taking bikes places…people bring them with them everywhere…to work (inside, upstairs), in the house (like a piece of furniture), and in stores and restaurants (some places; not a fancy-schmantz place). I find this odd. I understand protective bike storage, but bringing your bike with you as if a precious stone seems odd. I had some McDonald’s the other day and this dude stolled in with his bike, and he was all, “Ba da da da daaaaaaa.” I don’t know about him, but I certainly wasn’t loving it.

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3 Responses to california…it’s a whole new world (parto uno)

  1. PauvrePlume says:

    Dear Davis (not the city):
    Holy crapski, I hear people repeat “of” (and many other prepositions) SO OFTEN it’s re-dick. Example: “That’s the book about which I was talking about.” Umm…shut your redunda-hole.

    Anyway, to answer your question re: faux pas… A “faux pas” is a noun. But you probably already knew that. In any event, that’s the simple response to why there’s no “ne”… the “pas” isn’t the negative “pas,” it’s the noun “pas,” which means a “pace” or a “step.” So a “faux pas” is a false step…a misstep. A lot of people confuse it with the expression “il ne FAUT pas” (fauT, with a T)…like “One shouldn’t…”. But that ain’t it.

    Dishes are done.
    Tell Mel to stop sleeping with her freakin’ bike.

  2. PauvrePlume says:

    postus-scriptus) I just realized that you use an Ariel (my namesake) image for a post entitled “…a whole new world.” Now, personally, I tend to consider Disney as the Anti-“Christ,” but I *do* know that “A Whole New World,” was the Billboard Chartbuster from “Aladdin,” not that “Little Mermaid” b.s.. Get your shit straight. (no pun intended)

  3. Jenn says:

    i would just like to point out that you wrote “and” instead of “an” in the sentence below ariel.

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